How Meditation Can End the Endless Pursuit for Validation

By Neal

Being the social animals that we are, we have an innate need to feel connected to others. Needing the approval of others is something that starts from our earliest years of childhood and continues on for the rest of our lives. But does it have to?

After all, every single person varies in their ideas of what is acceptable or not, whether they be your parents, friends, partners, bosses or strangers. They have their own judgements and discernments, and these judgements and discernments actually have little to do with you. They are in fact a way for people making the judgements to validate themselves.

Even though there is little truth in the praise or criticism we receive, we become dependent on it for our sense of confidence and self-worth. This creates anxiety about others’ opinions and makes self-esteem fragile and unstable, constantly shifting based on external feedback. This leads us to not be sure of ourselves and our feelings and ultimately makes it difficult to accept ourselves.We can end up spending our lives living for the approval of others while dismissing our own feelings and fulfillment. In this article, we’ll talk about: The underlying reasons of why we seek validation and how meditation can help us to break free.

The Struggles in Seeking Validation

Seeking reassurance from others is a natural part of being human. We all want to feel seen and accepted. But when our self-worth depends too much on others’ approval, we lose connection with our inner voice. Understanding why this happens helps us bring awareness and begin to shift from seeking validation externally to finding it within.

Below are some of the most common causes that can lead us to seek validation outside ourselves.

Seeking external validation: We can become overly dependent on others’ approval to feel worthy or confident. This creates anxiety about others’ opinions and makes self-esteem fragile and unstable, constantly shifting based on external feedback.

Self-validation difficulties: People often struggle to trust their own perceptions, feelings, and experiences. They second-guess themselves, dismiss their emotions as “overreacting,” or feel they need permission from others to feel how they feel. Not trusting our own feelings can cause us to choose careers or even relationships that go against our true feelings.

The paradox of needing but resenting it: There’s often internal conflict between desperately wanting validation and feeling ashamed for needing it, or becoming frustrated when we don’t get lasting relief after getting it. We can become chronically angry towards the people that we seek approval from as well as feeling anger towards ourselves. Sometimes, by desiring validation from others too much we miss it when it is given or we might not even trust that it is genuine.

Childhood roots: Many validation struggles stem from growing up in environments where feelings were dismissed, minimized, or punished. People learn early that their internal experiences don’t matter or can’t be trusted. Another cause is if for some reason we may not want to be like our parents. In that case we might feel inferior holding onto the possibility that we might be like them and seek validation that we are not.

Invalidating others: People who struggle with self-validation often inadvertently invalidate others by offering unsolicited advice, minimizing feelings, or rushing to “fix” rather than simply acknowledging someone’s experience.

The approval trap: Constantly adjusting behavior to gain validation leads to losing touch with authentic desires and values. People end up living for others’ approval rather than their own fulfillment.

Never feeling “enough:  Even when receiving validation, people often struggle to internalize it. Compliments slide off while criticism sticks, creating a persistent feeling of inadequacy.

Meditation is a Powerful Tool for Validation

Meditation is not about helping you deal with your feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem caused by not feeling validated. It directly addresses the underlying mechanisms that keep you trapped in approval-seeking patterns:

Observing thoughts without believing them: Meditation teaches you to watch thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “they must think I’m stupid” arise and pass without getting hooked by them. You realize these are not true but just some conclusions you came to based on very faulty evidence. This allows you to be an observer of your thoughts and feelings, rather than being a prisoner of them. Once you look at these thoughts objectively you can see where they came from and free yourself from them. 

Reducing reactivity: Regular practice strengthens your ability to pause before reacting to automatically seek reassurance or approval. That gap between feeling insecure and reaching for validation is where change happens. In that gap you can be in touch with your own feelings and react not just as a response to others.

Building tolerance for discomfort: Meditation involves sitting with whatever arises boredom, anxiety, restlessness without judging it good or bad or trying to escape it. This is exactly the skill needed when validation isn’t forthcoming. You learn that uncomfortable feelings won’t destroy you if you simply allow them.

Recognizing impermanence: You directly experience how thoughts, feelings, and sensations constantly change. This loosens the grip of any particular moment of insecurity or need for approval. You see it will pass on its own. Often, we carry criticism or praise for a long time, sometimes even for life. Through meditation we realize how the mind is always changing and that we are always changing. For example, you might still identify with criticism from your parents. Looking at it realistically, that criticism came from their ideas at that time based on their own narrow experience of life. Adding to that, you are not the same person that was criticized at the time, you have probably changed in many ways. Yet these things can still exist in your mind. Meditation can help you to see these roots of our thoughts and feelings.

Catching the validation-seeking impulse: Practicing meditation helps you notice the exact moment when the urge to check your phone for likes, fish for compliments, or seek reassurance arises. Seeing the impulse clearly gives you a choice about whether to act on it.

Reducing self-judgment: Meditation cultivates a quality of accepting, non-judgmental awareness. This naturally extends to how you relate to yourself throughout the day, reducing the harsh inner critic that fuels validation-seeking. You develop a natural sense of self confidence, realizing that your feelings and thoughts do not need outside validation.

Connecting with a sense of okayness: Some people describe meditation as revealing a baseline sense of being fundamentally okay that exists beneath the surface chatter. This isn’t something you achieve or earn, it’s something you notice was already there. This is actually a major enlightenment that we can have. The idea that we need to validate ourselves with achievements or pleasing others is deep in our psyche. Meditation helps you to realize that you are complete just as you are, your existence alone is all the validation you need for that.

Developing an internal anchor: The most important result you experience from meditation is to experience your true self or true nature. As we eliminate all the false conceptions you hold in your mind, your true self starts to emerge. Reaching that you have a true peace that can’t be shaken by outside forces. Even if we were addicted to outside validation, that will simply disappear.  You will always have a stable peace to return to, which isn’t dependent on external circumstances. Eventually you will come to realize that your existence alone is all the validation you need.

Finding Your Peace

The key is that meditation isn’t just relaxation, it’s training in how you relate to your inner experience. That’s exactly what needs to shift when you’re trapped in validation cycles. Meditation is a way to systematically bring us out of that trap of being overly concerned for the self, which is very human. It leads to being able to let go of that need for validation and realizing your own true worth. 

From my experience to make meditation work for me it was necessary to have a method and personal guidance. Trying it on my own I was never able to focus for long or stay with the practice for long. This type of meditation was really effective in allowing me to let go of that self-centered mind, and this brought a deep sense of freedom and peace. 

 It doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time and patience but all along the journey you become more and more free, peaceful and aware. I recommend trying this type of meditation. If you want to give it a try, we have a monthly membership with your own personal meditation guide and several online guided meditation sessions a day. We also have many free introductory classes on our website that cover many topics.